2006​-​2010 (R​.​I​.​P)

by Jerry Falwell Destroyed Earth

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    Hi, How are you?
    Here’s a record as lo-fi as they come - full of songs I wrote from the ages of 16-24. Well, almost 24. It is the end of August in the year 2010 and in one week I move from Australia to the UK and in one week I turn 24. That’s eight years. Eight is my lucky number. There are 11 tracks on this record (track 12 is a secret track because I was born in the 80s and things like secret tracks still existed when I was laying this to tape). That means something too.

    Some of them are crappy home demos, some of them are less-crappy studio recordings. Some of them are in-between. The in-between stuff is the best. I’ll let you figure those ones out. Every single one of them is me puking out my feelings because I have trouble expressing them in other ways. My friends might attest that my feelings mostly manifest themselves as giant fits of rage. I like to think I am more of a pacifist and that these are songs of love and hope and peace and happiness. (I’m not). (They’re not).

    All of this is messy and not one bit of it is perfect. Whatever came out on the first take, we went with. Flaws and fallibility and all. Much of it is off-key, out of time, and I LOVE THAT.
    I am messy/jessy.

    Since 16 all I've learned this: feelings are pretty good. Keep ‘em. Use ‘em. Dig ‘em. And don’t let nobody trample ‘em.

    - Shulman.

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    Massive shout-out to Dave Brown (This War, Being Amazing and Shadow League) for helping me chuck all this together and donating so much of his time at the last minute and Todd ‘Mixin’ Dixon (mechanicalsound.com) for recording pretty much everything I've written since 2006 and for doing it all for free when he's far too good an engineer for me not to be paying him. Thanks to the Lo Fly Hangar in Brisbane for letting us commandeer the space and lay down some important stuff and for being the raddest. And Stefan and Ant for the Summer of Love and forty-degree-heat, 2007. Huge props, endless love, and my heart of hearts to the original JFDE band: Adrian Slattery, James Meese and Ged Winter.
    --------------


    To the following, Thanks:

    Kate Cooper and Ben Thompson: for everything – you don’t even know how much. Adrian Slattery – for the same, and probably more. 12 Dawson Avenue Footscray and everything that came with it. Anna and Gav Slattery for all the home-cooked meals, sleepovers, foxtel, and letting us take over the house that summer. Joel at Old Bar. Al at the Birmy. Clayton and Will at the Royal Derby for all the free beers. Gertrudes Brown Couch. Matt and Meg and all at 3CR. Brendan Hitchens for all the mixtapes. Wil Wagner for the old times. Hicks in the City. Hobart Krew. Nadia Mizner. Ben Mote for the records he doesn’t know we stole. Darren Levin for all the free tickets/door spots. The McGuigans, All the nice guys at Midian (I owe you loads of money). Anna Arvan and all the lovely people of Bellingham, USA. Susie and Cam and I Heart Hiroshima. All of Brisbane.

    Thanks Ruth, Minky, Uncle Ben and papa-Shuls for being cute and coming to all the shows.

    Thanks Jessi and Ant, Rosie, Alister, Lorilee and Charlotte, Noni and Brig, Christian, Shifty, Romy, Madeleine, Alex, Teo, Laura Macfarlane, Sammy D, Wolfman Josh and Sarah, Lawdog, Lindy Morrison, Ladyfest Brisbane, Romy Hoffman, Ben Lee, Brothers Hewitt, Aleksei, Jadan, Evan, Woody McD, Evelyn Ida Morris, Lachie, Mac and Charles, Dallas, Nellie and Etta, Lee, and Meesey for keeping me alive.

    And bless the following righteous musicians and bands for having us, housing us and/or inspiring us: Major Major (RIP), Love of Diagrams, Geoff O'Connor, Steph Hughes, Shifty and Tom, Twin Vickers (RIP), Tragic/Athletic, Agnes Kain, Popolice, The Stabs, This War, Chris Burrows, Phat Meegz, Rope Burning (RIP), Novi Split, Pikelet, Ninetynine, Madonna (The Bennies), Wolfman Jack (RIP), Big Smoke, Clavians, The No Real Need, The Rational Academy, Iron On, Talkshow Boy, The Bites, The Dacios, The Ground Components, Macromantics, Little Red, The Greasers, The Basics.

    Lastly, thanks Dampy – for giving me so much to write about.
    ... more

     

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All songs copyright Jessica Shulman 2010.

Cover art by Jessica Shulman @ Lo Fly Hangar

credits

released September 5, 2010

All songs and lyrics written by Jessica Shulman

On this record:

Vocals: Shulman
Shaker: Adrian Slattery
Guitars: Shulman, Adrian Slattery, James Meese, Ben Thompson, Paul Donohue, Christian Bizzarri
Bass: Adrian Slattery, James Meese and almost Kim Wall
Piano: Shulman
Drums: Ged Winter, Tom Bones, Paul Donohue, Ben Thompson, Jess Shulman
Handclaps: Adrian Slattery, James Meese, Ged Winter, Ant Graham, Stef Simunic, Papa Shulman

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Track Name: September of That Year
when we were sick we took care of each other like real friends do
and I'd talk to you
on the phone
on the train
I'd listen to you

tell me how your day was
I wish I'd listened better sometimes.

you were in a band I used to love
they lost their way September of
that year.

then one day we'll get back to the point
and maybe we'll remember how to talk to each other on our own

so tell me how your day was
I wish I'd listened better sometimes.

I hate September of that year
I hate all that you hold dear

I hate you
Track Name: TUFF
I'm so lucky to be alive
my friends don't even know that they're the reason I survived
the Lions would never run and hide
but we're so small we gotta learn to take good care of what's inside

I won't ever get my shit together enough
but I'll always be tuff

this girl, how she changed my life
she's a role model that's even good when she's dealing with her own strife
that girl knows how to wield a knife
but only in the kitchen cos she's way too sweet to start a fight

I won't ever get my shit together enough
but I'll always be tuff

this boy,
he broke my heart in ten.
but I don't blame him,
I can't blame him,
I'd do it all again.
that boy,
he doesn't know what to do
he's trying like he means it
like he really really wants it too

I won't ever get my shit together enough
but I'll always be tuff

Brisbane went home alone again.
No-one knows quite how much this town holds for me and my friends
Well, Melbourne, you sucked 2008.
so what
fine
celebrate
'09 will be great

and I won't ever get my shit together enough
but I'll always be tuff
Track Name: Weaker Than
You're weaker than
I said you're dead
I was back then
your favourite redhead

you came in and christ that headband is gay
your life is in sweet fucking disarray

never I've had a knife like this
you were a flight I wish I'd missed
I've got boys coming out my ears.
if you could've taken all the shots
wealth don't mean shit when I'm the cost
I wish you knew what you'd missed.

so we both abstain -
I wish you would,
I wish you'd said
crack cocaine makes all of us so good in bed.

but jesus I don't wanna die alone.
Track Name: All You Brats
all you brats
up on stage
you think you're all the rage

but this is just what we never wanted.

all you brats
you got the middle class plague
and while daddy gets paid

all the daughters should lead the way.

I was never one to wander far or far away from
voices that were straining hard just to sing their own song.

all you brats
coined a phrase
joined a phase

but you won't even get a mention.

all you brats
you go to school each day
and piss your lives away

just to warrant some kind of reaction.

I was never one to judge a pebble from a rhinestone
get your head out your ass and tell a tale of your own, son.
Track Name: Point Break
Lady Grey is your half-baked sister
Shady May is the cunt who kissed her
they're screaming again
we're kind of worried about a riot, like the kids at school might try it

you're so much more than just my sidewalk whore
I gave you time when you were bored
-Guilty-
You scored.

gotta get to chapter one because chapter one means you've begun
it's the fight scene
the Gods are keen

look down, motherfucker, I'm your teen dream queen.

I have to lie
all the time

if I told you there's blood on my mind
it's fine. you're a latent crime.

wear your art, class and cleavage to the mall
you're gonna stall,
crawl
I'll be rid of you by Fall

keep your head up
please,
please,
four more.

catacomb the womb
it's too small
try to translate my Southern drawl:

everybody knows this is nowhere.
Track Name: Anxiety Attacks
congenial, trivial nine-to-five
I never imaged you to check in/check out on time
the truth is rendered - it's double-ended
I cease to exist when I'm on my time

dangerous liaisons steer you straight
so seductive
but you're letting me down

probably,
probably is the case
it's always been that way.

Anxiety Attacks
could beat us back
but it's always been that way, so you can stay...
you might as well stay?

well I think:
that place and this place are not so different
there's just as much shit in this town - just as much as the other ones
they're just as mean
and more obscene.

a colder place won't bring it all down for you
and neither will my writing it all down for you
I've been willing to lay it all out for you
but it just keeps going on like this...

Anxiety Attacks
could beat us back
but it's always been that way, so you can stay...
you might as well stay?

I'm not even asking you anyway I don't care either way (stay)
Track Name: While Tom Waits
while Tom waits I've got years that I can't shake and I'm lonely for your company's a bore

it's all at stake:
this year we're gonna break every scar on every heart and there's more I'm gonna take.

I didn't want us to end it tears I thought we'd last for years
I do love you -
- with all my heart -

but I can't do this falling apart.

I can't take this new love/this old hate
it's pink and raw and all my old wounds are still sore

suck on this while I get some air to hold this kiss and I'll be sure to miss you when I'm gone

I didn't want us to end it tears I thought we'd last for years
I do love you -
- with all my heart -

but I can't do this falling apart
I can't do this
it's too hard.

I love you with all my heart and I've never cared
so if you want me, when you want me: I'm always there.

I love you with all my heart and I can't wait for our next fight to start.
Track Name: A General's Sword
we're ripping up all the carpet where we left off
the floor wasn't hard enough to lift the ceiling
but you gave me feeling
all arms and tall and such.

and I slept silent for the first time
I went North cos I got bored
but you were up that far, demanding not to be ignored.

I want you to ignore.

a general's sword could cut this cord
but something breaks the swing
we got to hoping...

now I'm scared to lean in
if I do,
there might be speaking
and I'm not good at making meaning

I'm no good at...

while I try hard not to get thrown
you're too overgrown
like a landmark lacking its centre stone
the kind that gets you

all alone.
Track Name: Fear and Loathing
I can read these lines like an open book until the curtain call
and someone tells you how wrong you look and that you could have had it all
where you drive on the right
I can't turn to save my life

you comment the shit out of my pain
call me that name again.

I think it's best now that you go

are you even awake?
are you seeing that I don't love you that way?

maybe I bought a vacant lot -
sold a nation out
did I?
Track Name: Darling
season's gone and air is shrinking
I got high and I've been thinking how we used to be
let's get bored and let's get stupid
you play God and I'll play cupid
boy, you really destroyed me

and now I'll be smoking out my bedroom window 'cos air is free

and I'll sing:

darling, darling
please forgive me
I'm in a world of hurting
this is a sea of disease.

every time I pulled you up for not loving me enough
all the while, the mere sight of you could make me smile
I never gave you credit for all you did - you really were such a sweet, sweet kid
one day I hope you find a girl that makes you feel okay

because I never could be -
never really sure you felt that way for me

so I'd sing:

darling, darling
please forgive me
I'm in a world of hurting
this is a sea of disease.

I'm so sorry that I slept with him
but you gone and did the exact same thing, and she... she was...
damn.
I know that it was hard for you - I know it was a hard thing to do to say I love you

and now I'll be singing every lonely lonesome song for me

so I sing:

darling, darling
please forgive me
I'm in a world of hurting
this is a sea of disease
and it's killing me.

but darling, darling
was it worth it each time you broke me?
because now I can't breathe.

I know it's not you I need
but please come back to me
please
aw, please
I'm asking nicely.